God repeatedly has made it clear to me that He desires to take this time of darkness and bring forth something amazing, but the waiting is VERY hard. I have always needed to have everything planned and organized in order to function. Acts 1:7, 2 Peter 3:8-9 Complete dependence of God’s timing is a very difficult lesson to accept, but it has freed me in many ways too. It don’t have to feel as if it is all up to me to fix everything, God is already working on it. I don’t have to convince anyone of what is best for our children; the Holy Spirit will make the argument on their behalf. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, I Corinthians 2:14-15 I don’t have to worry about being unloved, rejected, disrespected, etc. God wants goodness for us. Jeremias 29:11-13 What I get to do is just love and accept Jason where he is at and to learn what God expects of me as a wife and follower of Christ. Psalm 119:133-135
My job right now is to continue to weed out my own soul and to care for my children in a manner that leaves no doubt in their minds of my commitment, love, and respect for their father. This sets an example of how they must handle difficulties they will face in their marriages. I hope to teach them that a spouse should always pray to God about perfecting their own faults and give praise to God for the goodness in their spouses. Philippians 4:8 In this manner they learn to change the things they can (themselves) and continue to direct their attention to what will bring them closer to their spouses instead of away. Nothing will tear apart a relationship more then to focus on our spouse’s faults and short comings instead of their strengths. Proverbs 4:23 Satan uses these thoughts to breed discontent, dissatisfaction and may even tempt us with people who appear to have the very quality we wish our spouses had and blind us to the reality that no one is perfect. No one is complete. If we expect our spouses to be perfect, or to be our main source of fulfillment and to satisfy our desire to feel whole, completely accepted, etc. we will be disappointed. Our spouses are imperfect human beings like us; we all will fail at times. It is only God who can perfectly and consistently fill those requirements.
Every morning I wake up with the hope this will be the day he comes home. I am greeted with eight little people praying and hoping for the same day. Matthew 21:22 They pray rosaries, remind each other to offer things up for this intention and the younger ones even come up with some really scary plots on how to force the situation to happen sooner. Blinding dad so he can’t drive away is one still circulating their idea board or the more recent giving dad drugs to make him fall asleep, put him in our bed and when he wakes up tell him he has been really sick and asleep for a long time, but now he is better so he will think he never really left and will just stay. My children, like I, know that daddy has to come home someday. He loves us too much to be happy or at peace anywhere else.
My sunshine has been a loving husband and father. It is not hard for anyone who knows him to know why I would never stop believing and waiting for his homecoming. Whatever good God will turn these dark days into is worth waiting for. Job 23:8-10 Jason has worked very hard at creating a beautiful family. He has a wife who loves him more then anything and children who think he is the greatest man in the world. Despair and darkness have blinded him to the beauty and truth of this product of his devotion and care and his vital role to its maintenance. For my part I will wait forever if need be. Hebrews 10:35-36
7 But he said to them: It is not for you to know the times or moments, which the Father hath put in his own power:
2 Peter 3:8-9
8 But of this one thing be not ignorant, my beloved, that one day with the Lord is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord delayeth not his promise, as some imagine, but dealeth patiently for your sake, not willing that any should perish, but that all should return to penance.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty to God unto the pulling down of fortifications, destroying counsels, 5 And every height that exhalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every understanding unto the obedience of Christ;
I Corinthians 2:14-15
14 But the sensual man perceiveth not these things that are of the Spirit of God; for it is foolishness to him, and he cannot understand, because it is spiritually examined. 15 But the spiritual man judgeth all things; and he himself is judged of no man.
11 For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of affliction, to give you an end and patience. 12 And you shall call upon me, and you shall go: and you shall pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You shall seek me, and shall find me: when you shall seek me with all your heart.
133 Direct my steps according to thy word: and let no iniquity have dominion over me. 134 Redeem me from the calumnies of men: that I may keep thy commandments. 135 Make thy face to shine upon thy servant: and teach me thy justifications.
8 For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think on these things.
23 With all watchfulness keep thy heart, because life issueth out from it.
22 And in all things whatsoever you shall ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive.
8 But if I go to the east, he appeareth not; if to the west, I shall not understand him. 9 If to the left hand, what shall I do? I shall not take hold on him: if I turn myself to the right hand, I shall not see him. 10 But he knoweth my way, and has tried me as gold that passeth through the fire:
35 Do not therefore lose your confidence, which hath a great reward. 36 For patience is necessary for you; that, doing the will of God, you may receive the promise.