I debated a long time whether or not to say anything. As a catholic homeschooler their is a lot of pressure to only show the beauty in living out one’s faith and calling so as to encourage others. The reality is that having faith and enjoying one’s calling does not mean there won’t be serious challenges. I have always had a hard time with people who think if you practice your faith and pray hard life will only bring happy blessings. To them I say read Job!
God’s greatest graces and most beautiful blessings are born from pain and suffering.
I decided to in general way go public so that other hurting souls who may feel alone, ashamed or embarrassed to admit to being challenged will know they are not alone. Faith does not protect you from pain. Pain can destroy faith if we give into hopelessness and despair. It is a huge temptation. For anyone feeling themselves at the breaking point, God hears you! Fight, fight, fight, and when you have no more strength fall at the feet of God and surrender your pain to His will. Don’t move from there, don’t run, don’t think, don’t do anything. Just lay at his feet and cry, yell, be angry. He can handle all your emotions. He won’t take it personally and walk away. He wants you there so you can unburden yourself and let Him free you. I do it on a daily basis right now! He keeps welcoming me back. God will turn our pain into fertilizer for faith. For you non farmers, the original and best fertilizer is sh@!. Literally dung makes food grow! So that stinky stuff that has over taken your life and emotions right now is actually at work underground right now strengthening the your roots.
I won’t give into the pain and let the ugliness smoother me (though feel free to pray for me because I often am tempted). I am going to use it to till my field and let time show me the beautiful things that are growing!