Posted by Jessica | Posted in Faith, Into His Hands, Mom | Posted on March 05, 2011
To someone watching from the outside it would have seemed uneventful. It was a mild centripetal force ride… a child’s ride. Not yet a teen at the time but I can still feel the chains of the Swinger Ride in my hand. It was one of the most memorable moments of my life, which has left me hungry to experience the same sensation decades later. As the ride spun the swings lifted and orbited further and further out. The amusement park was in the mountains and at full speed the swing flew out over a cliff. It was thrilling. The view was gorgeous. The irrational urge to undo the safety belt and jump actually had to be fought against. Part of me thought maybe I would be able to fly and I briefly wondered if my guardian angel would catch me if I couldn’t. Matthew 4 came to mind:
Then the devil took him up into the holy city, and set him upon the pinnacle of the temple, And said to him: If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down, for it is written: That he hath given his angels charge over thee, and in their hands shall they bear thee up, lest perhaps thou dash thy foot against a stone. Jesus said to him: It is written again: Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. Matthew 4: 5-7
Not being the Son of God I opted to follow His advise instead and not tempt/test God, so I am here today to write the story. Still though, there remains an unfulfilled longing to fly, to soar through the invisible blue and see the world small and vast all at once, to go over the edge…
I think that when we confront God, we find ourselves on an edge. As it says in Hebrews, “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (10:31). It is not that the living God holds any animosity towards us, or that He intends us any harm. But the Light and the Truth that radiate from Him require light and truth to be present in the one who beholds Him. If we have no light and truth then His presence reveals within us the darkness and the lies that are present. -Father Stephen
This lent I am going to get on the ride again. I am going to jump this time. Not so that I can test God, but rather so that He can test me. I long to be free and fly. I have grounded myself for too long.
It is enough now.
I ache to go over the edge toward Light and Truth and to fall into His hands.
In order to help ensure “the darkness and lies” in myself do not cause me to chicken out I will be posting the flight plan and about the journey during lent. Please join me in prayer for this spiritual “over the edge” flight and landing hopefully in His hands.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner